The Taoists see sexuality as essential to who and what we are—an aspect of our nature that can be cultivated, rather than repressed or denied. Instead of attempting to conquer our “lower nature” and suppress what are essentially healthy impulses, Taoists encourage living life in harmony with what is.
Sexual energy is the single most powerful, natural internal force that is readily available to a human being to foster his or her spiritual development. For thousands of years, Taoists have harnessed this qi using precise and very pragmatic methods.
The sexual act itself causes your qi to naturally become vibrantly obvious and accessible to you.
For most of us, the word “meditation” conjures up a person sitting on a cushion in an upright posture with eyes closed, quietly communing with a higher power. We don’t generally associate meditation with making love. Yet the Taoists found combining sex and meditation with specific methods to be one of the fastest methods to accelerate a practitioner’s spiritual advancement.
Learning Taoist sexual practices is a multilevel process. The beginning level could be called “ordinary sex” or “the way of love.” The intermediate level, or “subtle energy sex,” is what Taoists refer to as “sexual qigong” or “the way of energy.” The advanced level is “sexual meditation” or “the way of spirit,” an accelerated path to full enlightenment.
Ordinary sex is about having more pleasure, emotional satisfaction and peace during lovemaking and in the course of your everyday life. The foundation for this level is learning how to navigate, activate and turn on all the body’s erogenous zones to best effect, utilizing every part of your body that can accomplish the task.
Ordinary sex eases the hormonal system and releases internal pressure. It can help train relaxation and release the nerves so that sex can become enjoyable. Feeling frustrated and irritable after a long workday? Having sex can be a great antidote. Along with the feel-good experience that makes both people happy, sex regulates the natural sexual urge that if left unfulfilled can make a person edgy and irritable.
Sexual activity helps to regulate the flow of bodily fluids, improve mood and balance hormones.
Sadly, many couples don’t even have an ordinary sex life. Nerve tiredness—a common experience in our overwhelmed, overscheduled, fear-driven, technology-dependent lives—causes lack of interest and an inability to have sex.
Nervous exhaustion diminishes the sex drive by dulling the central nervous system in general and the sexual nerves in particular, rendering them incapable of feeling and responding.
This is why people say “my nerves are shot” after a day of excessive visual and other stimulation. The nerves actually get temporarily burnt out when your mind and emotions are racing faster than your nerves can handle. At the very least, ordinary sex practices can help resolve many of the avoidable tensions that get in the way of enjoying sex.
Over thousands of years, Taoists have developed and honed precise and very practical methods to relax and release the nerves.
Relaxation helps a man prolong the sex act, maintain erections longer, and climax without ejaculating. It can enable a woman to achieve orgasm more easily or become multi-orgasmic, and she can learn to expand her orgasm so that it ripples in waves through her entire body. The two simple practices that follow can help partners relax and restore tired nerves. The practice of pulsing is especially helpful.
The following ordinary sex practices can help you begin to achieve relaxation during sex that you can carry into other aspects of your life.
Practice 1: Merge Your Breathing
The simplest way to rejuvenate tired nerves is for you and your partner to breathe together, breathing just loudly enough to hear one another. Simply hold each other in a comfortable position and continue until your breaths gradually begin to synchronize. Slowly allow each breath to become deeper and quieter, until both of you grow very quiet inside and breathe as one person. This is a wonderfully simple way to create connection, deepen emotional bonding and reawaken sexual desire.
Practice 2: Pulsing
Another way partners can calm their nerves when exhausted is by holding and gently pulsing each other’s hands, which involves gently opening and closing the hand and wrist joint in a smooth rhythm. Begin with light squeezes and then gradually add more intensity as your sexual contractions begin to awaken. Eventually, you will be pulsing together in unison. Keep the pulsing synchronized while you and your lover’s minds and nervous systems slow down and begin to relax.
(via Taiji Forum)
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